Swaying Through the Bedlam
Dude you are actively breaking my heart

Dude you are actively breaking my heart




don’t be fuckin rude

This hurts my soul


you little bastards

And on that day the Smugularity was achieved

Let’s put aside the implications attached to a professor who gives you better grades for siding with them politically and focus on the actual issue she’s trying to underscore, which is the biggest non-problem I’m even aware of.

It’s 2014, not 1964. Fifty years ago, not shaving was a big deal. Now, odds are the powerbroker you’re shaking hands with has flourescent green tribal sleeves hidden in his dress shirt. People with neck tattoos with the word “FUCK” on them actually get hired for jobs working with people — I’ve seen this occur.

No one gives a fuck what you do with your body hair. No one will think you a crusader for feminine rights or any sort of roots-radical, shaking up the paradigm. It’s not even edgy anymore, it’s just another uniform to align you with another subculture. Your fuzzy thighs are about as shocking as a mohawk in early 2000. Yeah, once they signified rebellion, but now they’re worn primarily by 12-year-olds AFFECTING rebellion.

That is what you’re doing if you pretend your grooming habits are some sort of countercultural statement. You are faking. 

Meanwhile, if you don’t want to shave your body hair for other reasons, like it sucks, or you’re lazy, or you don’t like razor burn, or you’re going as a brillo pad for Halloween, or religious reasons, or you just don’t fucking feel like it, good for you! More power to you! You’re still not the gender-studies version of fucking V for Vendetta, but no one will ever care.

And finally, the Dudes. Listen, Dudes. You don’t get to have an opinion on this. Whenever this pitiful little 60s throwback argument starts up, dick-swinging douchebags flow out of the woodwork to say ‘WELL I PERSONALLY THINKS IT’S-‘

Stop right there.

No one will ever give a fuck what you personally think. Not your friends, not your family. No one wants your opinion on body hair. Why the hell do you think I’m pitching this into tumblr? A blog is the journalistic equivalent of throwing rocks in a lake. 

You can have an opinion on your own body hair. If you shave yourself dolphin-smooth because you like it, cool. Good for you. That puts you in the same category as ladies fuzzy by personal preference. If you shave your body to show solidarity to the feminist cause, you’re not, because that’s not a cause, no norms are challenged in that because they were challenged FIFTY YEARS AGO when something like that caused ACTUAL consequences like social ostracization or loss of occupational opportunity.

In closing, shut the fuck up, you self-congratulatory fakers.

Do you ever look at the things your entire generation is bitching about and want to slap them in the fucking mouth and say “These are not real problems”?

Let’s be real. You’re a sententious douche who tapped into a cultural zeitgeist with your young adult novel about cancerous teenagers. This doesn’t make you an authority on literature or feminism. 

Twilight blows. It doesn’t blow because it’s popular. It blows because it’s poorly thought out, poorly researched, and poorly written.

There is no misogyny in calling Stephanie Meyers’ work overrated bullshit for the emotionally stunted. Just as there is no misogyny in calling your work overrated bullshit for the emotionally stunted. Which it is. 


happy valemtimes from the one true king

happy valemtimes from the one true king


Stannis Barath, the leanest and meanest,
Sharin’ with the Red Witch his plans and his penis

The rightful King Stannis, the man with the plannis,
Stampin’ on Mance like a Dragonstone Krampus

He swept from the North, delighting his fannis,
Lightin’ Melisandre’s fire down in her vaginnis

But let’s remain real, lady’s non compos mentis,
I mean, nuttier than early ’90s Alanis

Come Davos of Onions, with flaming heart banna’s,
The Kingdom’s most skillful half-handed Hype-Mannis

All MANNER of badass next season with Stannis,
But a year? Asks a lot of my attention spannis.

You ever wonder why it’s called “Dragonstone”?
If you had stones like that, you’d have to drag ‘em too.
*drops mic*






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wait seriously what is that sign it looks like something from call of duty

not quite

The only duty that calls us is our duty TO THE STATE